so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
