My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just had sex bonerless
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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