When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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