i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
