i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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