I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
