I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
