Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize