im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
