I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
