my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
