I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You did what with his pubic hair?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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