I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
