just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
i now understand why vodka
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
