tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I can text with my tongue
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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