So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
