she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
