dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
