Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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