WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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