cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
