I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
50% drunk capacity currently
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
