Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
