The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
