I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize