I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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