I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
