Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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