State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
