god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
