Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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