and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
