I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
