and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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