He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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