This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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