Nicole vs. Life
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
