dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We have started to decorate penises.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
