you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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