I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
