are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
