All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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