i jhust puked up my retainher.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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