the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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