i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
