Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
