once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
