My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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