So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I got her a Nickelback box set.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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