There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
