I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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