If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
