My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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