i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
