Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
