There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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