grandma shit on top of the toilet
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
