So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
