I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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