i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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