soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You are the jesus of drinking
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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