just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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