i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
