Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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