I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
