Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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