drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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