I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
