i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
