she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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