Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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