Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
