Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize