Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
