Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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