I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
