I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i dont even know how to be here
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
