well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
