Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
