piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I need to calm my uterus...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
