I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
