Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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