I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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