I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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