ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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