i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize